Ha broertje ,

Today on the second anniversary of your death I will say your name out loud,

as whose name is said out loud will not be forgotten.

You became my brother when I was 12 years old, and we were off to a rocky start. As typical teenagers we did not agree on many things and tried to throw each other under the bus every change we got. As adult we both lived our own lives with our own families, and we did not get really close. I moved to the States, and we called each other once a year on our birthdays. Till the day you called me to let me know you were getting a divorce, and after that we kept on calling each other on a regular basis, something that we kept on doing when you got sick.

On the days you only kept texting I knew you were not feeling good and short of breath but on the days, you felt great our phone call would last forever. Your cancer seemed sometimes to be beaten, sometimes in remission, only to show its ugly head again. It was a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. It was hard to hold space for you because when I was just quiet and just listening you would ask " are you still here ? Did we lose connection ?

When covid hit we talked about it how, if things would get worse, I would not be able to come, and we both said the things that needed to be said. Many times, I would come of the phone and tell my husband " I am not sure if he tries to hold up a positive attitude /outlook for all of us or that he really doesn't realize how sick he is. But as long as you did not ask, it was not my place to bring that up.

The last phone we had was a few hours before he passed away................

So tonight, I will say your name out loud as I would do answering the phone:

Ha broertje ! Ha Thijs !

Because whose name is said out loud will not be for

gotten.